Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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