I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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