New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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