When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
