nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
