I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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