The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
