I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
