You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
