My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
