I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
