The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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