grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
