I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
