I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
