I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
