Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
