Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
wow bdsm is so cute
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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