I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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