I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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