We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
