its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
