if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
