we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
