seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
