I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
