i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My vagina is officially offended.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
