Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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