Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
