Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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