I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
