I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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