Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
