my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
