based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
