I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are we still banned from the library?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
