Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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