I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
