saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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