Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
