My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
