Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
