Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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