just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
