I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
