So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
