the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
