she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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