It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
