i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I smell stomach acid.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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