New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
