dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
