you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
