some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
