if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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