I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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