I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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