When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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