I just saw a hot homeless man
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
