I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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