In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
