We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
