When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think i have two assholes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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