Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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