He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
