She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize