Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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