Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
