did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
