im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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