Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
