how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You smell like stripper and shame
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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